


Intervention

by BritHistorian



Category: Firefly
Genre: Burglary, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Gambling, Gen, Horses, Matchmaking, Tea Parties, horse thieving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 17:13:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9133501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BritHistorian/pseuds/BritHistorian





	1. Chapter 1

River looked over the railing and noted that Hercules' stall was still empty. Apparently Jayne wasn't back yet. She always got nervous when they were on Persephone - _nothing_ good ever happened on Persephone. The sun had gone down hours ago and still none of the others had come back from town. At least Kaylee was here, taking advantage of some downtime to get in some much-needed repairs. She went looking for Kaylee, calling out as she went. "Kaylee, did Jayne say when he was going to be back?" She knew Simon would come back safely, because he was with the captain, trying to find supplies for the sickbay, and she knew Inara would come back safely, first of all because she was Inara, and no one would dare hurt her, and second of all because she had Zoe with her; River didn't know what _they_ were looking for, but she was sure that between the two of them they'd find it. But Jayne was out by himself, except for Hercules. And while Hercules was very intelligent for a horse, there wasn't much he could do if Jayne decided to go get himself in trouble again.  
  
Kaylee stuck her head out of the engine room door, a smudge of grease running along the side of her nose. "What're you talking about? Jayne's _been_ back. He's in his bunk, said he wanted to take a nap."  
  
He was back, had avoided River, Hercules _wasn't_ with him, and now he was hiding in his bunk. This was bad. This was _very_ bad. River dashed up the corridor, slammed open Jayne's door, stormed up onto his bed until she was standing in the middle of his chest, leaned over and yelled "Where's Hercules?"  
  
Jayne woke up with a start, sitting up (and unbalancing River in the process) and reaching for one the guns hanging beside his bunk. But as fast has he was, River was faster. She landed on her feet beside the bed, slapped the pistol out of his hand (it was either Betty or Veronica, she didn't take time to see which), and grabbed his wrist. She yanked him up out of the bed, cranked his arm around behind his back, and slammed him up against the wall. "Jayne Cobb, you answer me right now: Where is Hercules?"  
  
Jayne struggled against her, slowly managing to pull his arm down. River knew she couldn't compete with him in upper body strength, so she used his strength against him: Pulled his arm in the direction he was trying to move it, kept hold of his wrist while she slammed him into the opposite wall of the small room, then followed up with an elbow to the throat. Jayne collapsed onto his knees, trying to get a breath. "When you are able to speak again, you need to have an answer to my question: Where is my horse?"  
  
Jayne forced himself back to his feet, leaning over with his hands on his knees, gasping for air. He looked up at her, blood welling up from a cut over his eyebrow. "First off, he never was your horse. But if you must know, I lost him the same gorram way I got him - easy come, easy go."  
  
"You lost Hercules in a poker game?"  
  
Jayne spit on the floor, mostly blood. His bottom lip was starting to swell up, making it hard for him to talk. "I thought sure I had that hand won. I was holding a full house, aces over eights. How was I to know Badger was holding four queens?"  
  
"You stupid piece of _go se_! Even Simon knows better than to play cards with Badger!" She kneed him in the stomach, as hard as she could, snatched Vera off the wall, then turned and walked out of the room, stopping in the doorway to look back at Jayne huddled in a fetal position on the floor, gasping for breath. "I've got more to say to _you_ when I get back. But right now I've got to go save my horse."  
  
As River was heading up the corridor, she ran into Kaylee, who stopped in her tracks, her eyes getting as big as saucers at the sight of River carrying Jayne's big gun. "I... um... heard a noise and came to check it out. Um... River, sweetie? Are you sure you should have Vera out? You know Jayne don't let no one else use her."  
  
River smiled and patted Kaylee on the shoulder. "Jayne has a gambling problem. Plus right now he may need medical help - bring the first aid kit. I have to go save Hercules. Tell the captain not to worry about me, and not to leave without me."  
  
Kaylee was too shocked to speak for several minutes after River brushed past her and left the ship. Finally she recovered enough to go get the first aid kit and check on Jayne. She hoped River would get back before Mal did - then maybe she wouldn't _have_ to explain why she had let River go wandering the streets of Persephone with Jayne's biggest gun. "As if any of _them_ could have stopped her," Kaylee said to herself, as she turned into Jayne's room and stopped in her tracks.

* * *

  
River stashed Vera behind a crate before slipping out of Serenity's hold - she wasn't planning on shooting anyone tonight, and she didn't want anything to happen to Vera. She'd just needed the gun to make sure that Jayne and Kaylee let her leave the ship.  
  
Moving away from the docks, she blended into the crowds that always surround a spaceport, then detached herself from the crowds to blend into the shadows between two buildings. On one side of her was Badger's office, and on the other side his stables - for a small-time crook, Badger was doing pretty well for himself. River knew that at least part of that came from ripping off Serenity's crew every chance he got, and she gritted her teeth as she vowed that she would never led Badger add Hercules to his total "winnings."  
  
"I do so luv it when Captain Reynolds and his crew come to town." From an open window ahead of her, River could her Badger's irritating cockney whine. "It always means an extra bit of dosh in my pocket. Especially if I can catch that merc of his in a game of chance. _That_ one's such a cabbage I could beat him in an honest game, if I knew where to find one." Badger's laugh was, if anything, more annoying than his voice.  
  
Leaving Badger to his gloating, River crept down the alley and slipped into the barn. Once inside, she flattened herself against the wall and stood there for a moment, giving her eyes a chance to adjust to the darkness. It was easy enough to tell Hercules from the bony, swaybacked nags that made up the bulk of Badger's stock. Easy also to see that Badger had one of his thugs sleeping on the ground in front of Hercules' stall. This posed a slight problem, but not entirely unexpected. River grabbed a coil of rope off the wall, crept across the stable, and before the guard had fully awakened, he was hogtied and buried under the straw in the back of the stall.  
  
River quickly saddled Hercules and led him out of the stable. Once she was a safe distance away from Badger, she mounted up and rode to an empty stable that she knew about on the edge of town. She had a lot of work to do before morning.

* * *

  
Somehow the entire crew, minus River, who still hadn't returned, had squeezed into Serenity's sickbay; Jayne was doing his best to hold still as Simon sewed up his forehead and his lip, and Kaylee was trying to stay calm as she told the captain what had happened.  
  
"... and she had Vera with her, and she said to tell you not to worry, and not to leave without her. And that was three hours ago and she ain't back yet."  
  
"And you didn't try to go after her?"  
  
"Cap'n, you know I'm no good if it comes to a fight. And I was trying to help Jayne - she hurt him pretty bad."  
  
Jayne glared at her. "Ain't so bad as all that - she took me by surprise is all. Figured I was safe in my own bunk, with no one on the ship but crew."  
  
Everyone dashed out of the room when they heard Serenity's cargo door open. As they rushed down the stairs, they saw River leading a large black horse into Hercules' stall.  
  
"Well," Mal called out, "if it ain't River Tam, horse thief extraordinaire. And this ain't even the horse Jayne lost to Badger!"  
  
"And he smells of hair dye," Inara piped up from behind Mal.  
  
River looked up and smiled. "The lovely lady guesses it in one!" She took Hercules' saddle off, put it in its place, and filled his trough with hay and oats. She then retrieved Vera from her hiding place and brought her back to Jayne. "I hope I didn't hurt you too badly."  
  
Jayne looked up from his inspection of the rifle, a puzzled look on his face. "Too badly?"  
  
River shrugged, a faint smile playing across her lips. "You deserved it, for being stupid enough to play cards with Badger. He cheats you, you know - I heard him say so."  
  
Mal looked up from admiring the skillful job River had done disguising the horse. "That reminds me - Jayne, you're forbidden to gamble. Captain's orders. This makes two ports in a row you've caused this ship trouble with your gambling. Now if you've got a problem with that, just say so and we can leave you here - maybe you can get a job working for Badger."  
  
Jayne couldn't have looked more startled if the horse had been talking to him. "Now just wait a second, Cap'n. What I do on my own time is my business."  
  
"Yeah, and when your business starts bringing strange livestock on my ship, and causin' my pilot to put herself in danger, it becomes _my_ business. Now, do you want to me give Badger a wave and tell him you're looking for work, or should I just drop you and your belongings on the dock?"  
  
Jayne held up his hands. "Let's not get too hasty, here, Cap'n. I never said I wouldn't do it. I like Serenity better than any place I've ever worked. I got no desire to go."  
  
Mal nodded. "Okay. Just so's we understand each other."  
  
Simon finally managed to regain the power of speech. "Can we all take a second to get back to the main issue here? My sister is now a horse thief! What about that?"  
  
Mal glanced over at River. "River - don't steal any more horses." He turned back to Simon: "Satisfied?"  
  
Whatever Simon had been about to say, it was cut off by the sound of Badger on the comm. "'Ello, Captain Reynolds! I've come to retrieve my property."  
  
Mal reached over and pressed the talk button. "And what property would that be?"  
  
"I won a 'orse off one of your crew last night, and now it's come up missing, and one of my employees assaulted in the bargain. Bein' as we've had so many mutually profitable interactions in the past, I thought I'd give you the bennyfit o' the doubt and let you rectify the situation informal-like, without the need for calling in the coppers."  
  
Mal hit the button to open the cargo hatch. As it opened, he walked out and faced the smaller man. "Now wait a second, Badger. If I've got a horse thief on my ship, I think I _want_ the law involved. Lets potential customers know that I can be trusted. That I'm not the type of captain who'd have secret dealings where horse thievery is concerned. Now, can I take a look at the ownership papers for the animal?"   
  
Whatever Badger had been expecting, it clearly wasn't this. "I... well, I ain't got papers, exactly. It was done more on a word and a handshake sort of basis. You know, between gentlemen."   
  
Mal nodded. "Of course. People who lose horses in card games and then steal 'em back aren't always known to be most scrupulous in their paperwork. Not like you, of course. I'm sure you've got a current license to be running games of chance?"  
  
Badger shifted from foot to foot nervously. "Well, not exactly. There's been a slight... delay in the processing of my paperwork but, bein' a businessman yourself, I'm sure you understand I can't afford to shut down while I wait for the bureaucrats to catch up."  
  
"Which of course explains your desire to handle this informally - government never understands the needs of a businessman. Can you describe the horse to me?"  
  
"Sure, it was a Clydesdale. Brown with white, big hairy brute, branded with a lazy J."  
  
Mal called back over his shoulder. "Kaylee, we got a horse on board matches that description?"  
  
From her place by Hercules' stall, Kaylee called back. "No sir, all we've got is this big black mixed-blood that we picked up on Whitefall, branded with a rocking P."  
  
Mal turned back to Badger. "So let me see if I understand you correctly. You say you won a horse in a poker game you shouldn't have been runnin'. And that this horse, which you got no papers for, was stolen that same night, with no witnesses as to who might have did the stealing. And now, based on just your say-so, you want me to give you this horse, which ain't even on my ship, as you can see for yourself."  
  
For the first time since Mal had had the displeasure of making his acquaintance, Badger was speechless.  
  
"Well, in view of the 'many mutually profitable interactions' we've had in the past," Mal continued, "I'm giving you this once in a lifetime opportunity to get off my ship now, while it's still on the ground, rather than later, when it's not. But if you ever come around accusin' one of my crew of being horse thieves, you'd better be prepared to prove it or you'll be takin' a walk in the black."  
  
Without waiting to see if Badger was actually going to leave, Mal hit the button to close the hatch. Scrambling, Badger just barely managed to get off the ship before it closed.  
  
"River!" Mal snapped. "Get us off this hunk of rock. We've got business on Highgate. Everybody else, if you've got a job to do, do it. If not, stay out of the way 'til dinner."


	2. Chapter 2

After dinner, Zoe, Kaylee and Inara cornered Mal.  
  
"Mal," Inara said, the others having apparently nominated her to speak for them, "we need to talk."  
  
Mal looked confused. "What - are we havin' some sort of mutiny of the feminine half of the crew? And if that's the case, shouldn't River be with you?"  
  
"Actually, River's what we need to talk about." Inara looked around. "And we need a bit more privacy than this - let's go back to my shuttle."  
  
Once they were all settled in around Inara's low table, she started up again. "Mal, someone needs to talk to River."  
  
Mal nodded. "I agree entirely. Matter of fact, that's what I was about to do when you ladies shanghaied me."  
  
"We don't think you should be the one to do it."  
  
"But I'm the captain of this vessel. It's my duty!"  
  
Inara smiled. "Your dedication to duty is commendable, but based on your lack of success in this area, I think we'd be better off letting someone else handle this."  
  
"Lack of success?" Mal sputtered. " _Lack of success?_ I'll have you know I've been _damn_ successful at not stealing horses!"  
  
Kaylee and Inara burst out laughing. Zoe even cracked a smile, but as she was the only one of the three in any shape to talk, she took it upon herself to try to ease Mal's confusion. "We weren't talking about the horse-thievin', sir. Truth be told, we're sorry she left that cockroach with _any_ horses."  
  
Mal found Zoe's explanation less than enlightening. If anything, it left him more confused than ever. "You weren't? You are?"  
  
By this time Inara had regained her self-control and Kaylee was down to just the occasional giggly squeak. Seeing how confused Mal was, and how badly he'd misjudged the situation, Inara figured she'd better spell it out to him in the simplest possible terms. "No, Mal - you're free to deal with the horse issue however you want. The bigger issue here is River's decision to try to win Jayne's heart, to the extent that he has one."  
  
Mal nodded in apparent comprehension. "No problem - I'll just order her not to."  
  
Zoe spoke up, "Begging you pardon, sir, but you _do_ remember how well that worked when you tried to keep me and Wash apart."  
  
Whatever Mal had been about to say, the serious look on Zoe's face led him to think better of it. Breathing a sigh of relief that Mal had managed not to stick his foot in it _this_ time, Inara continued her explanation. "So there are two possible outcomes here: Either River succeeds, which would probably be the best thing that ever happened to Jayne, and would have a civilizing influence on him. Or she fails, in which case we've an angry, depressed woman on our hands."  
  
Kaylee butted in "One who's none too mentally stable to start out with, and capable to killin' you, me and the dog, as the sayin' goes."  
  
Mal looked from face to face, waiting for one of the women to tell him that this whole thing was just a joke - they'd yell "gotcha" and everyone'd have a good laugh. After a couple of minutes of this not happening, he realized they were serious. "So what you're saying is that in addition to all the things we normally do to keep this ship running, keepin' us all in business and out of trouble, we've got to play matchmaker to the couple voted 'most likely to commit multiple homicides on their honeymoon'?"  
  
Kaylee smiled. "C'mon Cap'n - it'll be fun."  
  
Mal raised an eyebrow. "Kaylee, having inadvertently seen some of the things you consider 'fun', that ain't very reassuring." Kaylee blushed. "But seein' as it don't look like I have any choice in the matter, I guess y'all can count me in. Now if you don't mind, I'll have to leave you all to work out the next phase of your dastardly plan on your own - I've got captainy things I've got to be doin'."

* * *

  
  
River smiled and took a sip of her tea. "Thank you for inviting me for a tea party, Inara. It will be very pleasant."  
  
"You're very welcome," Inara replied, setting out a tray of cookies and finger sandwiches. "We should do this more often."  
  
River took one of the sandwiches and took a hesitant bite of the tip. "These are much better than the ones Kaylee made for [my tea party with Badger](http://toxic-corn.livejournal.com/50473.html?thread=564009#t564009). That was the worst tea party ever. Not that Kaylee didn't try, but she made them with that odd meat that made everybody sick. And can you imagine having a tea party with Badger? But," and River smiled proudly, "at least I kept him entertained until the captain came back and Badger gave us the job."  
  
Inara stifled a shudder, unsure whether it was the thought of the mystery meat or of a tea party with Badger that was threatening to turn her stomach.  
  
"I'm sure you were a very proper hostess." Inara smiled as she poured the tea.  
  
As Inara had noted on other occasions, River seemed to blossom with just the slightest application of praise. "Oh, yes," she beamed. "Mother made sure I was trained in all the accomplishments: Tea - both English and Chinese - drawing and painting, a little bit of singing - though Simon sings much better than I do, dancing, and equestrian."  
  
Inara saw the hook she would use to get her point across. "Equestrian - dressage or steeplechase?"  
  
"Both," River said, taking a sip of her tea.  
  
Inara sighed wistfully. "Equestrian classes were one of my favorite parts of my training." Staring off into the distance, Inara thought about riding for a minute, then turned suddenly to River. "I remember my favorite horse in the stables on Sihnon - a stallion named Brownie. I was the only one who had the patience to work with him. Every time I'd try a harder jump than we'd done before, he'd lose his nerve."  
  
"If you let a horse think he can't jump, pretty soon - he can't jump." River's change in tone and mannerisms made it obvious that she was imitating someone - probably her riding instructor.  
  
Inara nodded. "So I'd have to lower the bar again, even lower than a jump he'd previously done, and then gradually raise it up, building his confidence along the way."  
  
"If you raise the bar slowly, you can get a horse to do things neither one of you thought he could-" River stopped short, her face frozen as her mind ran through a series of thoughts and reached a conclusion. Suddenly, her extreme stillness melted away. "Excuse me, Inara," she said as she got up and rushed out of the shuttle. "I have to go talk to the captain right away. I think I've set the bar too high."  
  
Inara watched her go, then leaned back and smiled. Things were starting to fall into place.

* * *

  
  
Simon came into the kitchen and sat down by Kaylee at the end of the table. Over by the sink, Mal and Jayne were having a heated discussion about something or other, and Kaylee seemed to find the whole thing extremely amusing.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked.  
  
Kaylee stifled a giggle. "Mal's changing his orders. Jayne's allowed to go gambling again _if_..." She paused for dramatic effect. "If... he takes River with him."  
  
"Mal," Simon called out across the room, loud enough to break into the captain's argument with the merc, "I really think that's a bad idea."  
  
"You see," Jayne said, looking for any leverage he could get here, even if it meant agreeing with Simon, "listen to the Doc. A card game's no place for a crazy girl. People are already twitchy enough, thinking someone's gonna cheat them out of their coin, without her coming in and spooking up the place."  
  
Mal leaned back against the counter. He looked from Jayne to Simon and back again. "Wouldn't you know it?" he asked, shaking his head in amusement. "You two finally agree about something, and it's to disagree with me. I suppose I should count myself lucky that Serenity's not a democracy. I'm the captain around these parts, and from time to time that actually counts for somethin'. And it just so happens that this is one of those times. I've made my decision, and that's that. River's shown she can do a pretty good job of cleanin' up after the fact when Jayne gets himself in trouble, so I figure she can handle keepin' him out of trouble beforehand, which makes _my_ life that much easier. Any arguin' with me about it now's just a waste of time, so I suggest if you two gentlemen are so concerned about the girl, you set out to make sure she knows how to handle herself at a card game."  
  
Mal's tone made it obvious to Simon and Jayne that nothing they said was going to change his mind, so instead they set about glaring him to death. Who knows how long they could have kept it up, if Kaylee hadn't decided to intervene. "That sounds shiny! Let's have a card party after dinner tonight!"  
  
Simon turned to her, his mouth agape. "You're going along with this?"  
  
Kaylee nodded, grinning. "Sure - it'll be fun!"  
  
Jayne snorted. "Fun ain't exactly the word I'd use for it. But if it keeps Crazy from gettin' in trouble, and if'n it's the only way I can play a game of cards when we're groundside, I'll give it a shot. But she's not coming with me if I decide to go whorin' afterwards."  
  
Mal laughed. "I daresay the good doctor would agree with you. Keep this up and pretty soon I won't be able to tell the two of you apart. Now if you all will excuse me, I'm expected on the bridge."

* * *

  
  
After the card game wrapped up, Jayne went to his bunk and tried to get to sleep. The game wasn't as big a disaster as he had thought it would be. Turned out that Moonbrain was a right good card player. She kept quiet, never givin' away what she was holdin'. Her eyes were downright creepifyin'; kept you on edge, never able to tell when you had an advantage. And bein' a reader apparently did have its advantages in a card game - no one could bluff her, not even Jayne.  
  
Across the ship, River lay still, listening to Jayne's thoughts. She closed her eyes and smiled. Apparently the captain had liked her suggestion - and if she came along to the card games, she'd be able to keep Jayne from getting into _as much_ trouble. Then she could gradually raise the bar. She made a mental note to buy Inara a thank-you gift with her winnings and drifted off to sleep.


End file.
